As we tango
by InkMarked
Summary: Its college. Eleanor and Park are both on a scholarship together in the same program. But life is more complicated than that, and deeper questions will arise as they sort their paths.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1: The state of things.

The music was loud. She hated it there. There were only one set of eyes Eleanor cared for, and those eyes had forgotten about her. Park. The person who changed her. He was there, in front of her. But he was not Park. Not the same Park. Not her Park. A stranger almost. He looked at her with pity sometimes. The way you look at an old toy you haven't played with in a while. Obsolete. He didn't know. He was clueless, but that is how Eleanor felt every time Park looked at her. Obsolete. Part of the past. A past the waves of time had washed away.

How long had it been? Four years. Four complete years. Enough for both of them to sort out that maybe would never be enough to satisfy either of the two, and that maybe, and just maybe, the first serious relationship you have is not necessarily the one that will stick. Eleanor drank the beer in her hand from the red solo cup. The music was too loud for her taste. If only Park knew he was the reason she was there. The only reason she stayed there, at 1 am, talking with strangers she didn't care for, and sometimes pretending to have fun. But he didn't, and that's how it should stay.

Sophomore year college. Eleanor had worked her way up to the top of the class, and received a scholarship she could not refuse. They were both on scholarship. She had followed Park to that school; back when she thought Park was all she ever wanted. Now. Well, now she was finding she also wanted stability. She also wanted safety. She wanted to have all the things her mother didn't provide her with, and she could only hope those things included Park. But as she stared at the goof on the other side of the room, talking with another girl, she couldn't help but wonder if love would ever be enough. What was love after all? What was marriage? It was the promise of strapping your life to the life of someone else till death did you apart, and that scared her. Park was familiar to her. But part of her wanted to run from everything familiar. She could not help but fear he could become what her mother had married. And absent man who cared only for his own well-being. For his own ego. She wanted to escape the past, not marry it, and as Park made eye-contact with her for a few seconds from across the room Eleanor waved absently and turned around.

She walked away from that room, and into the porch, where she stared at the night sky. She could not care less for the drunker peers around her. They knew her personality already. The smart, capable, confident woman they should know better than to mess with. She stared at the night sky, and wondered if love would ever be enough to satisfy her, and if love could ever really last.


	2. Chapter 2: Reliable

Park:

After the sun rose in the sky, Park woke up in his room remembering the previous day with a smile in his face. It had only been a small party, but it had been nice. Each and every of his classmates had grown on him on some level, and he had never though that there could be so much to life. He had finally found people he felt he could speak and relate to. People with actual interests and hobbies. Not like his life before college where he had only learned to spend time on things he didn't care that much out of inertia. He was starting to find himself more pensive more often than before, and taking life a little slower. He knew, however, this was because he felt a tremendous gif had been offered to him. A gift of renewal. He could actually grow up to be whoever he wanted to be. Like the heroes in those comic books he used to like. He knew things were changing, but very gradually. He could feel the anticipation of change like the beginning of a song in the back of his head that had not even yet started to build for its climax – but would eventually. He found himself smiling. That's when he remembered to think about Eleanor, and noticed again that thinking about her came out of a sense of obligation and commitment: "Remembered to think." He felt responsible for her, and the degree of which he was or was not confused him. His smile faded.

Eleanor had been there the night before, but she had been absent. A silent wave from across the room was all the interaction he had with her. That should have been wrong. She didn't look happy, but she didn't look sad either. She just looked absent. As if there was something bigger haunting her mind for better or worse – maybe for better. She looked composed, careful and confused. Maybe the same way that he felt. Park waved the thought away from his mind. He had lately found himself losing the ability to reaching her when she entered her own head. Was that his fault? Was it because he was paying less attention to her? Had he indeed been paying less attention in the first place? Not really. They did spend less time together, but only because the school kept them that busy. He grabbed his phone to text her good morning; make an effort and reliable. That's who he was, and who he would always continue to be: Reliable Park. Good Park. Loyal Park. Through the good, the bad, and the stale.

"Good morning princess" – he wrote. He had started calling her that long ago. It was both a tease and a compliment. Used to make her laugh.

"Hey. What up" – was the short answer he got.

"Me... just woke up"

"lol. Hmm… 11:23. Not so far from your record." This did make Park smirk. Park had only once slept until 1:15 pm, and hated it. He felt his entire morning had gone by. The rest of the days he averaged to wake up around 7:10.

"ugh I know. What are you up to?"

"laundry and reading"

"cool." He thought what to say next. "Fancy hanging out later today?"

Park's phone showed him how Eleanor started typing a response, then deleted it, and started typing again. The outcome was a short "sure."

"okay. You let me know what works best"

"will be done with laundry in like an hour. Still need to fold things, so maybe 3:00 pm? What do you have in mind? Remember I'm broke af" – so many questions. She wasn't being dry and or distant.

"maybe we can just walk and talk?"

"alright. See you then."


	3. Chapter 3

Eleanor finished with laundry faster than she though. And as she waited she allowed her mind to trail off. Did she really need Park? Before, she needed him with her: because he was safety. But she didn't need the safety he provided any longer. But Park was… not who she thought he was. Every time he didn't behave like the person she wanted him to be, she was disappointed. And lately she had been more disappointed than happy. Maybe in her expectations of Park she actually saw herself. She saw the things she wanted to be, but thought she couldn't – so she needed Park to be those things for her. But, she was here. In college. With doors open. Maybe she could be all the good things she wanted. Without needing Park. She waited there, unsure if that trail of thought would be the end of her relationship. That's why she decided to put the thought away because she wasn't ready to do anything that reckless just yet.


	4. Chapter 4: the night it ends

Eleanor smiled to herself. Park didn't love her. She knew. And she wondered why did she ever fool herself holding on to something that was clearly rotten. She loved him. But she loved him the way you love an old toy. Not like a current present lover that has the power of sweeping you off your feet. She needed to let him go. She never though she would have the strength to do so because… well because it was Park. What other reason could there have been? But the past should never bind the future.

She smiled, and then started crying. A mixture of emotions that wanted to exit each part of her body and confuse her. Fear, terror, desperation, happiness, understanding, preparation, excitement. Everything. Park had changed her life. She could never repay him. But maybe she didn't have to repay him. Maybe and just maybe, she had managed to change his just as much.

She looked at the sky, and waited for Park to arrive in order to have their conversation.

Eleanor was not ready to let him go from his life. But she was ready to admit she was not the person whom she should spend the rest of her life with. Maybe Park would feel relieved. She knew he would. She, again, remembered how he did look at her as an old toy that you no longer want to play with. And she, on the other hand, couldn't wait to fly free. She put 'It ends tonight' by All American Rejects and waited. She saw Park arrive, and then prepared for the most difficult conversation she would have in her life. Her mind was made. No turning back now.


End file.
